Avoiding Wordiness: over-using "to be" verbs
Papers that employ action verbs bring strength and performance to the paper. Wherever possible, change weak state of being verbs (is, am, was, were, are, be, being, been) to stronger action verbs. Always avoid starting sentences or clauses with "There is" or "There are."
NO: The flowers are leaning to the left.
YES: The flowers lean to the left.
NO: At the time, Van Gogh was painting versions of
Sunflowers in Paris.
YES: Van Gogh painted several versions of Sunflowers while in Paris.
Note that it is not necessary to change the tense, just make use of the active verb.
Correcting Passive Voice and Wordiness
Rewrite the following sentences, employing action verbs wherever possible. You may make small changes, as demonstrated in the examples above, but do not change the meaning of the sentence.
1. This film is mirroring the century-old fairy tale of the prince saving the princess.
The film mirrors the century-old fairy tale of the prince saving the princess.
2. There is not sufficient evidence that Scar is gay.
Evidence does not support that Scar is gay.
3. The lionesses are threatened by the hyenas.
The hyenas threatened the lionesses.
4. While music plays an important role in Casablanca, there are numerous other theatrical elements which help create the effect desired by the director.
While music plays an important role in Casablanca, numerous other theatrical elements help create the effect desired by the director.
5. This lighting is also effective in mirroring the multitude of secrets that are evident in people's covert behavior.
The lightning mirrors the multitude of secrets that are evident in people's covert behaivor.
6. Refugees are taken advantage of by thieves and black marketeers in an attempt to obtain the visa needed to leave Casablanca.
In an attempt to obtain the visa needed to leave Casablanca, thieves and black marketeers take advantage of refugees.