This blogging assignment is interesting because it make you make a self assessment of your current position and how close you are to your end. End being a euphemism for death.
If you can imagine it you can create it.
It’s hard to remember specifics but I recall many hours being passed with my childhood friend Gunnor imagining wild ass fictional scenarios. For some reason we found enjoyment out of creating something that was so opposite of what reality was that it was funny. I still play around like this today. Watching this weeks Cowboys game with my friend Connor I said “that’s got to be the second best running play in Cowboys history. right behind Tony Dorset’s 99 yard touchdown. Felix Jones broke two tackles, and evaded the rest of the Baltimore defense while tightroping the sideline before diving into the end zone.” An exaggeration of a touchdown run that in reality he evaded two arm tackles and found his way through a hole that I could’ve gotten twenty yards out of.
So let’s being by stating where we are at this point in time. I’m sitting in the Fondren Library it’s October 16th and school is at mid semester. Now an end point. That’s tough. What is it you want to do? Well when I was a young child I wanted to be an astronaut, travel space. But I don’t ride the rides at six flags so there goes that dream. But it okay to not alway hit your intended mark. I’m reminded of stories I was told of Abraham Lincoln ( you might want to fact check this with your hist professor). Pull out a pocket full of change, or just think of the stock image you get when you think of the presidents. There’s a lot you can tell from the likeness portrayed on these coins. Jefferson’s proud and confident, Roosevelt calm and prepared, and you can tell Lincoln’s body has been used, spent, beaten. I’m told he had many failed businesses, was bankrupt, had many failed attempts at running for different positions. But he was persistent and eventually get’s credit for being the president that preserves the union. How different would things be if he wasn’t leader. Would Jefferson Davis of taken over South America? Could someone else have filled Lincoln’s role had he of been successful as a business man. Serendipity is a strange woman. A scientist can spend years researching one problem and never solve it, which then their failure might aid future adventurers, or they can solve the intended problem, or sometimes a third thing happens, they come up with a innovation that was not what they set out to discover.
Childhood ends when money becomes a factor in your life. For some reason we develop this want to be self-seficiant, break away , prove we can fly on our own. Maybe that’s because it’s portrayed by society that that is success? that success isn’t achieving a state of eudaemonia but a certain amount of zeros in a bank account. I remember when i thought money would be it. If i could just get it I would have freedom, I could travel and do the things I wanted. Such childish thought. My teenage years have been an experience. I’ve tried to many different paths, some more successful than others. I’ve also seen others chose there’s. The life of a politician is nobel one, if you actually advocate change and not just a reworked definition of what we already have. But you’ve got to be prepared to take a bullet. The life of a drug dealer is nice, spend all day getting high, buying low selling high, a ghetto stock broker. But you’ve got to live your life connected to all your costumers, answering phone calls at all time of day. Real freedom. A sports writer, broadcaster, ect. You love sports, but so do a million others, who wants to hear from someone who’s never played at a high level? you’d better have a famous dad or sleeping with the right guys daughter if you want your foot in door.
So where are we today? Somehow I’m at SMU, i told them I was interested in double majoring because I wanted to learn more than art. So was enrolled in 3 art classes, chemistry and calculus. I dropped the calc because to allow for more free time early in the year. it didn’t make too much sense coming at 8 am and then having three hours until my next class, it left me very spent. I’ve learned many new things but right now what I want to focus on is something that has come to me these last couple of months. My chemistry teacher teaches a class called chemistry in art. I’ve talked to him once for a couple of hours about this. And in my art history class we were assigned reading from Cennino Cennini’s the Craftsman’s hand book, which describes the techniques he spend a lifetime learning. I’d like to know the techniques described by Cennini. To have the ability to paint as I feel painting was intend. I want to labor over ever color,making my own pigments, prepare walls for fresco, create every panel, stretch every canvas. I want to create.
Almost every day i pass the Margo Jones theater and see the quote, “I’m not interested in dreams without action.”
These new desires can be like the fictional ideas I had with my friend Gunnor or I can try and make them reality. I’ve always been attracted to art. But I haven’t always known that it was possible to be an artist. In fact this is something of a new idea. I’m still learning what all this means. It isn’t simply one who makes art. Even in a book like Leon Alberti On Painting, he talks about the importance of having good character, to be liked, that there are tons of good artist but the ones we know are the ones that were given work, that we are more likely to help or pay for someone we like than someone we don’t. Which can almost make me sick, reminding me of how i felt with sports broadcasting. We are only as good as those who make us. This is where my current grey line is. I understand we have to eat, bills must be payed, but I cringe at the thought of being pretentious in order to gain a little more. Maybe i’d become a better artist if I dressed the part more? Leaving the Meadow’s Museum I was in my normal shirt and jeans, when I was forced upon contact with a couple in an elevator. They were dressed like a million bucks, probably could afford to pay for materials to last a life time. But they were hesitant to make contact with me. And were surprised that I wasn’t lost.
I dont wan’t to change in a way that I lose sight of who I am. I think that this shouldn’t bother me. I should just create and some will love me for who I am. But then this class makes one accept that while your idea is nice, in reality your path might be easier if you play the game a little.
I think i’m intelligent, and can connect fully with about anything. I could become a million things and there are a million things I could have been. I’m here now, I have an idea of what i want to do, but materials aren’t free and I sure as hell can’t afford them, so if I am to do anything I have to find a way to sell myself. to sell myself without selling out.
this is getting long and im getting hungry. So im going to end here. I’m going to continue doing what I love and try making the best of the opportunities that come my way, but this also means I must rush every door that is held slightly open. They may not all lead to what I want, but you’ll never know what’s behind the door if you never walk through. I know no amount of money will ever bring me happiness as I’ve seen those with millions upset and those without a home content with the simplest pleasures of life. I just need to find how I can get enough to create what I must share.