To get this out of the way early on, I’ll start with my personal effectiveness scores.
Overall, I averaged around 2.5, or 3. I feel that I respond to feedback well, and I am very entrepreneurial. I am also a proficient writer and speaker, and I work well in groups, even though sometimes, I don’t like too.I also feel confident that I am courageous. However, I am not always incredibly optimistic. I don’t give up very easily, but I tend to be incredibly hard on myself and my performances, and sometimes this makes me so frustrated when I can’t seem to listen to my own directions. I am working on it, and trying not to get too frustrated if things don’t work out exactly how I’d like them to.
So, on to a short bio. It’s a bit hard to write this, because, honestly, my memory is really bad. But it’s a start. I’ll probably revise, and add more as I get settled in to the blogosphere.
I grew up singing. I truly cannot remember any time in my life when I was not a singer. When I was seven years old, I wanted to be a doctor-singer-princess. I soon realized that becoming a princess was unlikely, and, after a single biology class, that being a doctor would never work, so I was left with singer. It’s pretty much been my only constant dream ever since. I forced my adoring family to sit through recitals at the dinner table. I sang in class. I sang in the car. I sang at midnight, and then again when I woke up. I still do. Calculus has a soundtrack, and its generally Brahms art songs. Though I am a musician, I am also a huge math and physics nerd. I often can’t decide whether I want to try out for the Met, or be a petroleum engineer. So I sing through my physics problems and I sing the periodic table (yes, there is a song, and yes, its awesome). I also want to be a lawyer for the ACLU somedays. I love justice and I want to fight for it. So, when I feel lawyerly, I sing the Constitution.
But more about me, not just as a singer. I am extremely competitive in very specific areas. School is one of them. I didn’t start feeling this pressure until I was in high school, and it worked well for me. I often need deadlines to keep me focused, and I would set them for myself. I am trying to be quite good at everything I do, because I still don’t know exactly what that is yet. Sometimes it feels like I am running solely off of terror of not living up to potential. But, then I just sing, simply for fun, something silly or sad or pop, and I remember that I actually really like doing everything that I do. The same thing happens all the time for my other passions. I forget that I am supposed to be terrified of it, and remember that I love the subject for itself.
Sometimes I feel very torn between all my dreams. They reach far. I change my mind almost daily. Yet, singing is the constant. I can’t imagine a future with out me singing; it simply does not compute.
So, for now I just sing as much as I can, and wait for something to show me exactly what it is I’m meant to do with my songs, whether I will be on the stage, in a lab, or in a courtroom.