When I graduate, I want to be an actor. (Real surprise there.) It is highly probable that my career won’t have this amazing kick-start that makes me famous or rich, and by no means do I expect that. I just want to act. So, when I’m finished with school, I want to get my hands on whatever I can to build up experience, a good resumé, and learn how to run the business that is my art. Here are a few options

• Attend grad school
• Either stay in Dallas or move to another city that has opportunities for theatre (it doesn’t necessarily have to be a big city)
• Collaborate with a group of artists to produce our own art, perhaps with our very own company

If I went to grad school, I’d have a bit more time to think about developing my business plan, but I’d still have to figure out what I would do to make money. If I decided to stay in Dallas, I would audition for everything I could (assuming I was comfortable with the material) and would try to build up a professional resumé. I would do the same thing if I decided to move to a new city (New York, Chicago, etc.), but I might have some trouble making new contacts. In a perfect world, I would know a few people in each city from school or previous projects, so that would be a start. Again, I would more than likely need a second job to provide income for when I wasn’t working on a production. The last option, and my personal favorite, is getting together with people I already know and enjoy working with to produce collaborative art. I’m developing a strong interest in interdisciplinary art, so I would love to work with people from all different artistic backgrounds. We could go anywhere; somewhere that had an established arts district, or somewhere that didn’t have one where we could try to develop a greater appreciation for the arts.

These are all appealing options for me. In order to develop a better business plan, though, I think I might have to take a few courses throughout my time at SMU that point me in the most efficient direction. I’m interested in taking a few classes outside of the theatre department, like dance and music, as well as an arts management course. I would also be interested in getting involved in an internship program, to learn the ins and outs of the arts business. I truly believe my theatre classes will prepare me for the work I can expect outside of school, but being able to make a living will most likely take some outside preparation.

Up to this very moment in my life, I have developed many skills as a result of my experiences. Thanks to my background in martial arts (I will always attribute these things to martial arts training), I have learned the significance of respect, integrity, and responsibility. These fundamental skills have built the foundation for the rest of my acquired attributes and for more to come. I treat myself and others with respect, which allows me to work well with those around me. I’m dedicated, responsible, and reliable. I’m laid-back in the sense that I can adapt to new work environments easily.

Creativity is a skill that I will strive to strengthen in the next four years. I have always considered myself an aspiring artist, and because of that I have been labeled as a “creative person.” My family and friends outside of the arts would just assume that because I was in theatre, I must be super imaginative. However, I have never really thought that to be the case. I work hard and love to play around with different ideas, but I’m not usually the one who comes up with the new and inventive ways of doing things. What I believe will most improve my artistic ability is the expansion of my imagination. I really think that if I stretch my creative mind with every opportunity I get to use it, I will be a more insightful, inventive artist.

There are several different things that motivate me to work, each one depending on what the work is. Math homework, for example, is something I treat as more of a chore, like making my bed or cleaning the dishes. My mother won’t necessarily be irritated if I don’t get my homework done like she might if I don’t do the dishes, but my professor might, and moreover, my grade most certainly will. So I get it done. Of course, I see the value in math homework as practice for the test, but I’m not entirely interested in having lasting mathematical expertise. With other academic subjects in school, my motivators are a bit different. For subjects that interest me, such as history or literature, I enjoy learning. Unfortunately, I tend to be more motivated to work for these classes when I have a deadline to meet, and therefore sacrifice permanent comprehension for the immediate consumption of the material. I do use grades as a way to motivate myself, but as I get older, I am coming to the realization that I care more about being able to use what I’ve learned in everyday life. I’m currently working on reading or working ahead of time in order to give myself more room to comprehend.

I get distracted fairly easily. I procrastinate as well as any college student. I don’t do very well studying when there are things going on around me. I can’t listen to music with lyrics, and even then I prefer to study without music if I can. I’ll use classical music to cancel out distractions if need be.

My theatre classes come first. I will never cancel a rehearsal for other work. It’s what I absolutely love to do, and what I’m here for.

Learning is a process, one I will be working on for my entire life. My goal for the next 7 semesters is to establish an effective way of working.

My work habits have always been okay. They are substantial enough for getting by, but now that I’m in college I’m coming to the realization that I would rather make the most of the time I spend learning. I’m surrounded by so many opportunities for enrichment here at SMU, and I know I could really benefit from taking my study and rehearsal time seriously.

I’ve never been one to slack off in school or take education for granted, but there have definitely been times when I haven’t taken advantage of all that was offered me. While I get my work done and turned in on time, I also tend to procrastinate, which inevitably leads to unnecessary stress. I’m very used to heaping a wide array of activities and responsibilities on my plate, but I’m also known to crack under intense pressure. My high school work habits typically consisted of staying up late, reading only the bare minimum to get through the next class (with the exception of my English classes, which I enjoyed reading for), writing papers the night before they were due, and cramming for quizzes and tests. There were a few times when I actually read the chapters I was assigned in my U.S. History class — and I will admit, I was much happier in class and eager to participate in the discussions — but for some reason the result wasn’t rewarding enough for me to make it consistent.

Now that I’m studying at a university level, though, I’ve upped the ante, so to speak. I spend significantly more time reading for my classes, and I actually do some of my homework ahead of time. I’m still not at the level I want to be at with my work habits, but I’m committed to improving them. I don’t know that I’ll ever be satisfied with them, but the least I can do is reduce a great amount of stress by staying on top of things.

I tend to jump around between instant gratification and deferred gratification when it comes to my work. Sometimes, I’m really good at buckling down and getting things out of the way that I need to do. When that happens, I am overcome with a sense of relaxation (which is a nice alternative to stress) and I am proud of myself for not succumbing to distractions and temptations. On the other hand, I also spend a great deal of time dropping what is most important and doing something for myself (i.e. playing beach volleyball with other Meadows kids, splashing in the tanning pool, going rock-climbing at the gym, playing tag in Half-Price Books, watching The Da Vinci Code with friends, etc.).I usually don’t regret having fun in lieu of getting my work done, because I know I’m responsible for not getting my work done. If I don’t finish an assignment because I was goofing off, it’s my fault and my fault alone. But I must admit, having everything done before  playing is much more gratifying and allows me to enjoy my free time even more.

One thing I know will help me in the long run is spreading my work/rehearsal time out over the week, rather than waiting until the last minute to do something. My goal for this semester is to get in the habit of starting assignments right away, and having them finished early enough for me to review and edit them. Additionally, I think organizing a reward system might really help me stay motivated, for the lack of a better term (see Blog 1). By reward, I mean something for me to work up to, like time to read or watch Netflix or play with my friends; I won’t allow myself to indulge in things that could potentially waste work time until I’m finished with a task or certain amount of reading for class. My ultimate reward will be increased confidence — in my understanding of certain concepts pertaining to school and the arts — and self-control.

I have always loved acting and have always believed that it was my calling. This summer, I actually started thinking about why I believed that.

I started working for a company called Vector in June. My job was to sell Cutco products to people that were personally recommended to me from my own contacts. (For anyone who doesn’t know what Cutco is, it’s a brand of high-quality cutlery and other kitchen tools and outdoors items.) This was my second job of the summer, and I was really just picking it up to pay my way to Dallas for school. (I was granted money to be enrolled in school, but I didn’t know how I was going to physically get there.) Vector hires thousands of college students around the United States and Canada and offers oodles of scholarship opportunities, job experience, and chances at personal growth. I thought to myself, as an actor, that I wasn’t going to get as much out of it as a business or marketing major might, but that I would try my best to learn from it and, ultimately, make a lot of money. I didn’t expect to gain nearly as much from it as I did in the end.

I won’t go into too much detail about my summer with Vector, but what I will say is that I learned the true meaning of motivation in the span of a few very short months. It was a rough start for me in that particular business. I didn’t believe that I was cut out for sales and I wanted to quit several times during the summer. However, I was blessed enough to have a few friends and family members that served as an incredible support system. They listened to me complain and were excited for me when I hit a milestone in the company. Not to mention it is entirely unlike me to start something and not finish it. I had to keep telling myself that I would be happy I stuck it through till the end of the summer. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to get myself to school in August, and that was something I wanted more than anything thus far in my earthly life. So, despite my scattered bouts of discouragement and relative unhappiness, I kept on trucking.

When I say that I learned the true meaning of motivation, I mean that I honestly had a warped definition of the word instilled in me. I thought motivation was just an inherent sense of drive and the desire to do things properly. I have always made good grades in school because I thought I was particularly “motivated.” I stayed in shape, mentally and physically, as a result of “motivating” myself to go to my martial arts classes. But what I didn’t realize is that I didn’t truly have a why. Vector taught me that I would never truly be motivated until I discovered what it was that made me want to succeed. I couldn’t just sell Cutco because I wanted to make money. I had to sell it because I wanted financial independence. Or because I wanted to take the burden of my own expenses off of my mother’s shoulders. Or because if I didn’t, I would have spent all of my hard work on getting into SMU and earning the scholarships to go there for nothing, and I would have missed out on the wonderful experiences I’ve had just in the first week of school.

So this new understanding of motivation got me thinking about why I wanted to act. What in the world was I thinking when I followed my heart to SMU to learn how to become a professional actor? People always ask, “So what do you do if acting doesn’t work out?” The idea of my career as an actor not working out doesn’t really scare me, though. (Not yet, at least.) I know acting is what I was put here to do, but I still don’t think I have fully developed a distinct why yet. When I ask myself “why,” the first thing I think is, “Well, it’s my calling.” I consider myself a woman of faith and I cherish the relationship I have with God more than anything else in my life. I believe with all of my heart and soul that acting is what I was created to do. I have been blessed with other skills and talents, but none other that makes me feel happier than when I’m acting and learning about acting. But that’s not enough. There’s more to my desire to pursue acting than a spiritual connection. God has not only instilled in me a desire to act, but a reason to do so. That reason is not entirely clear to me yet, but I know that it’s there.

The closest I’ve come so far to defining my reason is this: I want to live a life doing what I love and one day raise a family that will feel free enough to do the same. It’s sort of a complicated objective, but it’s as close as I can get right now. I have always hated the saying “life is short” — life is the longest thing we do here on Earth — but for lack of a better expression, life is too short to spend it unhappily. I want to tell the truth on and off stage and live in a way that shines the light of Jesus Christ on others. The only way I can do these things is if I am happy, and the only way I am happy is if I’m doing these things. These things are my divine calling.